I am absolutely captivated by the Lord these days. I find myself challenged and doubting and questing, and ultimately, trusting. My faith has always been easy, you hand it to me, feed it to me, I believe it. The end. It has always been mine. I have never had a problem with it. I have never thought much about the fact that people were much different from I. I mean, I have accepted that there are people in the world going to hell, and that it is my job to reach them... but it seems so big, and so far fetched, that the reality of it has never moved me enough to actually partake in action. Yes, I have been on "mission" trips. And they changed my perspective of the world... but it did not challenge my faith.
The group at the table next to me are having this discussion, and I wish I had joined in at the beginning, but now it is awkward because I have been listening, and am now writing about them. They are taking about church, and God, and what they believe. "Did you hear theory that Jesus might be Buddhist? I kind of like that theory." They continued to share their knowledge of church, throwing terms like "evangelical" and "Pentecostalism" . One of the guys responded to the latter word by saying he would love to attend just one service to "see those tongue speakers in action."
One of the girls, her dad is a pastor in Portland, she is part of a different church in Portland. " Its cool, they curse, and we don't really like read the bible, and for sermons, people just kind of talk, and share whatever they want. We meet in a yoga studio, its more like spiritual than christian, we meditate and pray and stuff. But its weird. I like it though. Cause its like a house church, a small group. But we celebrate halloweeen, which is cool." Her parents think she is part of a good church. She won't tell them what it is like. Because her dad would be mad and sh--. The other people in the conversation talked about how dumb that was, that parents get mad when their kids don't follow their ways.
It was so interesting sitting right here, listening. So much of what they said was honest. And they respected each other in their conversation. And I know if I had joined in, they would have been so open to what I had to say. Not because they want to be converted, but because they are open to letting anyone believe whatever they want to believe. I always assumed that non-Christians just hated Christians, and honestly, that Christians hated non-Christians. This was the model that was presented to me... or at least the way I interpreted the model presented to me. Real life is nothing like the cheesy "evangelism" videos we watch in Sunday school classes. Real life is full of peoples pain, and open hearts, and a longing for truth. Real life is open to listening, and is not condemning and hears what people has to say. Real life is a place where God shows up, where he speaks and moves.
I just started a class this term called Feminist Biblical Interpretation. I could write a blog just describing the 19 other people in my class. Yesterday we did introductions. 8 of the students identified as growing up in the church. But the most common thing said was "I am on a spiritual journey." One girl said she knew nothing of the bible, and felt that a feminist approach would be a good place to start.
I am 23 years old. I have a life time of church with me, multiple read overs of the scripture, two years of bible college on my belt, and a very active relationship with the Lord. I am not scared of this class turning me into a Feminist Christian. What I do feel is excitement that we get to read the word of God in school. And I know that the Word of God does not return void. So as I am in this place, full of people on spiritual journeys, I am thankful for real life, and the opportunity to doubt, but to know that in the end, My God is good.
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