Autumn

The first day of fall!

 Ahhh if you only knew of the bubbling bursts of joy in my soul today! After keeping myself awake until 1:45am, watching Fiddler on the Roof, and sewing curtains for the kitchen, I woke at 7:27 bounding with energy to fill the house with the smell of pumpkin! I put on my first hat of the season, and tried my hand at this recipe suggested by my friend Noelle. 

I sat sipping coffee, watching Casablanca, making more curtains. I am wearing my orange sweater, my fall scarff and my slippers. Goal of the weekend is to remember where I stored the fall decorations for our mantle. 

Summer has treated me well. I swam. I wore shorts. I used my Birks well. I got my tan on. I went camping. I went on vacation. I stayed up late. I woke up early. I ate dinner on the porch. I had campfires in the back yard. I went for long walks. I slept with the window open. 

But today, today is the first day of fall. I can complain all I want now if the warm weather returns. I am ready to bundle up. My flip flops are put away. I am starting to think about Christmas presents. I am obsessed with everything pumpkin, and the hopeful changing of the leaves. I am ready for the rain to return, the grass to become green again, and the settled dust of summer to wash away. 

I love each of the seasons, and I love that I live in a city which allows me to see each season. But there is something about Fall that makes me love it most. Maybe it is just the word AUTUMN, that is so much more glorious sounding than the other seasons names. Maybe it is way my green crock-pot looks on the counter, never needing to be put away. Or maybe it is just me, loving fall and the rain that it brings, the way that I have loved it ever since I can remember. 

Autumn, welcome to Oregon. YOU ARE MOST WELCOME TO BE HERE!

Dear Teenage Me...

Heather Anne, 

Your 16, and you have the whole world in front of you. 

Your confidant that you can take over the world for Jesus, so am I! I have never met anyone with more passion, more zeal, or more zest for life than you. You run through each thing you do like an exploding fire cracker, dropping sparks of life, starting little fires. Never stop this Heather, your passion is not just a bi-product of the Assembly of God denomination you are a part of. Your passion is ingrained in the sands of your DNA that God put together to be you. 

Your youthfulness and drive are going to be a key chord to you in the next few years.

The future is hard to imagine right now, but I know that you try very hard to imagine it. If I could give you one piece of advice from your not much older self : STOP LIVING FOR WHAT IS TO COME. When it needs to come, it will, but where you are in your life, right now, is so very good. I glean everyday from the stalks of wisdom and study that come from the time you are in right now.

Read the Word, even if your family "catches" you. 

Worship with the last of your breaths. 

Fast and  pray, if you are compelled to fast and pray. 

Journal.

Sing.

 Live in the Spirit. 

The faith that you have right now is yours, and yours alone. It is real and grounded and is becoming the foundation for the rest of your life. 

Follow your convictions, my dear younger self. If the spirit is guiding you to do something, or not do something, listen and respond! I see now how many of your convictions and compulsions were accurate. Don't let any person, or any book tell you opposite of what the spirit is telling you. Follow what you know to be true. Because you DO KNOW. 

You are not too young to know what the spirit is telling you. 

Did you know that you are beautiful? I don't think you do. You are so concerned about your weight, your nails, your comparison to everyone else. Soon you will discover that you are not out of shape, but that you have asthma, I wish you knew that right now! I wish you knew that you could wear girl clothes, that being frumpy is not something you have to do. I wish you knew that you don't have to look like any of your friends. I wish you knew that when you dress up for formal events, that you are not out of place,

 but that you leak femininity. 

You say you never get embarrassed, but the truth is that you are terrified of people discovering the parts of your heart and life you are embarrassed about. Oh Heather, please stop your fearing, and your hiding of your emotions. You are not protecting yourself like the enemy is so loudly trying to convince you of, you are locking away beautiful parts of your soul that are going to be very difficult to dig out in the coming years, I know, I have been digging at them for some time now. You are surrounded by people who want to know you, what you think, how you are struggling. It is OK to struggle. 

Real Christians struggle.

You are a teenage girl, you have emotions and hormones and mood swings; and its OK! You don't have to be anyone else other than who you are. You don't need to be Harmony, or Hallie, or Jessica, or Kerrie. You need to be Heather Anne, 

the Heather Anne that God created you to be. 

I know you are hurting right now, that you have much anger bottled up, but the Lord wants to touch that and to heal. You miss Harmony and Matthew, and you are mad that they are married and not at home any more, but you must know that they are your biggest fans and will become the most dear confidants to you  in the upcoming years. Your angry about church, and the community that seems to be falling apart in front of your eyes, but the Lord has a journey prepared for you that Iris Valley would never have been able to take you on. 

I wish I could tell you : 

Heather is going to remain your best friend, she is one of the most consistent parts of your life.

You will follow your dream and travel over seas. 

You will go to college, and take a math class, even though you vow in opposition. 

You will move to Portland, and love every minute of it. 

You will continue to seek the Lord. 

You will overcome your fear of boys, and start dating a man who loves you more than you comprehend. You will meet new friends, who will take you to a deeper place than even you can imagine. 

Your mama will become a secret garden of joy to you, there will be restoration. 

Your daddy will remain your shield and best cheerer of life. 

Oh Heather, one thing I know is how badly you want a "testimony" for life, you desire something bad to happen so that you have something to share. Well, a terrible travesty will not take place, but you do hold a testimony to the way that you have served the Lord unswerving. The next few years will be the best of your life, but I don't need to tell you to enjoy every moment, because I know that you will.  Go ahead, live that teenage life of ours, live it with joy and zest. Maybe in 8 years, when you are 23, I will have another letter ready for you. 

Love, your not much older self, 

                                         Heather

P.S. Some day, you will very much like the color pink.





I got this idea from the blog challenge from chattatthesky. Please also read my sisters, Harmony and Hallie, blog posts on this topic. I also challenge you to write your own!

Behold

Matthew 28:19-20. The Great Commission.

This is the part of the Gospel story where Jesus charges his followers to: GO into the world, to MAKE disciples, to BAPTIZE, and to TEACH.

And behold, he is with us until the end of the age.

Behold. Means to perceive through sight or apprehension.

Apprehension. : Means anticipation of adversity or misfortune.


So... Jesus is saying, [Proceed] into all the world, [Bringing into existence] people who follow Christ, [help them to become spiritually pure] and [Impart knowledge] to them. [Through your sight] and [though you have anticipation of misfortune], YHWH will be with you, until the end of the age.

I like this. I like that word, behold. I like the break down of it. I like that although we have anticipation of misfortune, he will be with us always. I like that this promise is not dependent upon anything we do, but grounded on who he is. He is the LORD, YHWH,and he is declaring is supremacy by telling us he will be there always.

He is solid. And constant. And there through the end of the age.