Yours, Mine, and Ours

     JUSTICE CONFRENCE

     A few weeks back, Austin and I attended a live stream of the Justice Conference. We both care deeply about social justice, but wanted to find a way to actually apply our lives to the cause, not just turn the radio up when a cause is being talked about. So we went. And the topics discussed pulled on our hearts.

    "When we reduce people to projects, we de-humanize them."

-Eugene Cho

     Austin and I speak often to our boys of things that are de-humaizing. It is a hot topic for us. The boys get tired of our answer to why something is inappropriate, often being "because it is de-humanizing." One of the boys has even starting calling other kids out on it.

      "I don't watch MTV, because I believe the shows that are full of men, making a mockery and          sexual object out of women are de-humanizing." This one was hard for the boys to grasp at first. But now, they don't watch MTV.

     "Using racial slurs, even out of 'sarcasm' is inappropriate, because it is de-humanizing." The boys still   disagree with us on this, but we are standing firm.

     We talk about classist, racist and sexist issues with them ... on a daily basis. But I didn't recognize was that my own heart was in need of some mending. I care about this issue of treating people with grace and love, and seeing people as people. That is why Austin and I came to Florida, for this very reason of loving "those kids" who are often unloved and overlooked.

     I find myself often thinking about the kids we work with, sighing, and concluding in my heart that "they are just one of those kids." This job is difficult, sometimes it is too difficult. I find myself wanting to give up relationship because it is too hard. I give myself tasks, I start to see them as projects. And in this, I have de-humanized them. And this breaks my heart.

     OUR KIDS, not THOSE KIDS

     It is too easy to write kids off by labeling them "those kids." But what I needed to realize, is that "those kids" are "our kids." They are somebodies kids. They are your neighbors kids. Your sisters kids. They could be your kids. As a community, we/I have a moral obligation to be there for "our kids."

They are not projects.
They are not numbers.
They are not failures.
They are humans.
They are kids.
They are our kids.

     RETURNING TO WORK 

     When Austin and I returned from the conference, we challenged each other in living out these ideas. We concluded that we too easily hide behind our paperwork and think too much about our weeks off. If we truly came to Florida to love on kids, then we need to put pre-conceptions in the garbage bag and see our boys for the people that they are.

     As with Christy Huddleston, I found this to be a challenging task. I tried to view the kids in my life not as mission, not as projects, but as kids. This took me to a whole new place of vulnerability. Missions need enthusiasm. Projects need dedication. But kids, kids need vulnerability. And vulnerability bears all.

Romancing Evil

I recently read the book Christy, by Catherine Marshall. It is one of my favorites. The heroine is a young women during the turn of the 20th century who leaves her well to do home in the big city to teach, in a rural, Appalachian town. She moves to the town, trekking seven miles through deep snow and unseen roads only to find an impoverished people group with harsh customs and mean words. Her Anne of Green Gables "romantical" expectation is completely slashed open as she discovers the world to be nothing as she imagined.

Christy and I are kindred spirits. We both have "fits of passion" and can "come on too strong." We judge quickly, we care deeply, and our hearts are easily broken. Oh, and Alice Henderson is our hero. Near the beginning of her story, Christy's "mentor" Alice Henderson speaks hard words into her life. And they have found a way to leak off the page and into my heart as well ...

     "You see Christy, evil is real - and powerful. It has to be fought, not explained away, not fled.               And God is against evil all the way. So each of us has to decide where we stand, how we're going to live our lives. We can try to persuade ourselves and wink at evil. We can say that it isn't so bad after all, maybe even try to call it fun by clothing it in silks and velvets. We can compromise with it, keep quiet about it and say it's none of our business. Or we can work on God's side, listen for His orders on strategy against the evil, no matter how horrible it is, and know that He can transform it."

Christy, of course, choose to stay in the mountains and face evil. She choose to work on God's side and listen for His orders on strategy against evil. No matter how horrible it was. No matter the ugliness and the disparity and the cruelty.

I, like Christy, grew up in a beautiful home. Safe from the world and ignorant to many of it's evils. Over the past eight years, I have traveled the world, experiencing pain and desperation and ugliness and some of the worst of evils. I can not un-see what I have seen. I can not un-know what I now know. The world is evil, and it will continue in this until the King returns to call us home. There are days I dream of running from it all, to an island away from it all... but even there I would not be able to escape what I have seen and what I know.

We are in this evil world, and we are to be shining beacons of light. Until the father calls us home to that perfected forever.

Lets get technical

What does it mean to be sexually reactive?

It simply means, to react sexually to the examples of sex that have been displayed for you. 

Pre-sexualization is when a person is prematurely exposed to sexual things. This includes children witnessing adults performing sexual acts, watching mature television or movies that revolve around sexual themes, or even having an adult or another person perform sexual acts on or towards them. 

When kids are pre-sexualized, their sexual development exceeds their moral and physical development, and this leaves them in a merry-go-round of turmoil and confusion.

A sexually reactive child is one who acts out in a sexual manor, because of the pre-sexualization that has taken place in their life. Examples would include; a child trying to perform a sexual act on another child, copying something that they watched. Or perhaps exposing themselves in a sexually inappropriate manner... again, copying perhaps something that had been done towards them. 

When a child exposes themselves or performs a sexual act on another child, this is still a sexual offense ... but if they are deemed "sexually re-active" then they are not usually labeled as an offender. 

This is where it gets sticky. I believe that the victim comes first. Each. And. Every. Time. But when the offender is also a victim, then both the victim and the offender need to come first... What do I mean? I mean we need to treat both victims as victims ... but to the one that offends, they also need to be treated for offending. 

For the 12 year old boy who was victimized, but never shared the abuse until he created another victim... he needs treated as both an offender an a victim. But his victim needs to be put first. His victim needs to know that they are safe. Then, the 12 year old needs to be treated as a victim, he needs to know that he is safe too. A victim/offender  CAN NOT simply be treated as an offender if they have not dealt with being a victim. 

I am not saying that we need to be softer on sexual offenders, because I do not believe that to be true. I think that the law needs to come down hard. I think that sin needs to be exposed and that offenders need to be brought into the light. But, I also believe that we need to offer victim counseling to the victim/offenders if we really want them to recover. 

Pre-sexualization is abhorrent. We live in an over-sexualized world, and we think that dressing our little girls up in bikinis is funny. But it is not. It is sick. Our world is prematurely exposing our kids to Halloween behavior. And when they act upon what they see and hear, we slap their hands. And when they become a victim, we tell them to be quiet. And when they become an offender, we gasp and say "what happened to them!?"