2011 Lessons learned

A good friend of mine and I were talking about the new year, reflecting on the last. The question was posed “ what stood out in 2011? What themes?” And immediately I was able to see these things that the Lord has been spilling out again and again.

1) Joy and Grief must co-exist. There has been much grief this year. Having my sister live so far away, leaving Multnomah to start at Portland State, and losing my Grammy in September. I have always associated grief to be a negative emotion, and negative therefore being associated with sin. What I have been learning instead is that grief is a beautiful thing. Grief is an emotion that our Lord felt and expressed. But without knowing joy first, I would not have recognized the grief. And because I let myself feel the grief, the joy that came in the morning was so much greater! To feel one fully, I had to feel the other. This had been an ongoing conversation with many of my friends as we allow ourselves to feel more fully.

2) Relinquishing Control. I am a bit of a control freak, I’ll admit that. Sometimes over the top OCD, sometimes just desiring attention. It is true that I have leadership skills and that people look to me to make decision, but desiring to be in constant control is not what the Lord had in mind I am sure. My friends are constantly encouraging me with the word “relinquish”. Let someone else take over, even if it is not as good, giving up control is humbling and sacrificing and painful … and so good. This played itself out in the house this summer, and I let people plan and initiate and clean in their own ways. I had to learn that the community house I live in is not mine, it is ours. And because it is ours, I am not allowed to take control of it. Also, not having a car this past year has helped me lose control. I can not make the bus take me places faster. And when I did not have a job, I could not make money come from nowhere, I had to trust and relinquish to the Lord that he was in control.

In 2010, my big word of the year was TRUST. The Lord was constantly asking me “Do you trust me more than you trust yourself?” Ouch. How often my answer was “no.” And this summer as I relinquished to him, I saw that his plans were so much better than what I could plan for myself. I had no idea how much I would love taking public transit, riding my bike to my job at the park, attending public school, working at MACYS, having a roommate (who is amazing!) After I planned and planned and planned, and my plans fell through, I finally said, “Ok Lord, fine, I relinquish." My words were pretty empty at first, and it took a while for my heart to catch up, but when it did… wow. He just knows what we need. A father gives good gifts to his children.

I am blown away at this past year. All that has taken place, all the ways I have changed. All the ways the Lord proved himself faithful. But as fun as this past year was, it was hard… and I will tell you what, 2012 holds some pretty exciting things, and I can’t wait for the Lord to reveal them!