Change

I have always loved change... Until recently.

Today, Tuesday, my room mate Chelsea got on an airplane for Japan.
My house mate Holly is moving out on Thursday.
Sarah, Kaylah and Melissa are graduating on Friday.
Saturday enters in the season called summer break, AKA every one in my life now in vacation mode..
One of my best friends Katie is returning to Colorado on Sunday
The leaders of my small group are short notice moving home to California in two weeks.
My parents are changing houses, after 14 years of one place called home.

And I am still here. Four more weeks of school. Change swirling around me like a tornado. The thing is, that each of those changes are good, for the people to whom the change is taking place. And it is exceptionally selfish of me to not be rejoicing with them! In my heart, I am excited about these things, for graduations, and moving home and summer vacations.

Then, I realized, I love change ... when I am the one changing. When I am the one making decisions and in control. But I am not. This time, everyone else's decisions or changes affected me in some way, and I feel slightly insecure in a vulnerable place of not being able to change anything.

The thing is, that I value consistency more than change. And consistency is what I have. I have extremly consistent relationships. The people in those relationships might be moving physical location, but they are consistent in my life. In my efforts to mope about those leaving, I have greatly over looked those who are staying here, and how blessed I am. Angela Joy is returning to the house, to be and live and laugh. I live in a house with 6 other amazing women whom I am so blessed to be surrounded by. Austin is staying in Portland for the summer, living just a block away.

I commonly cope with change by attaching myself to people, to a new person. But this time, I realize that I don't need to do that. I already have people I am attached to, people who are attached to me. I need to process, not cope. I praise the Lord for Heather Linn, my best friend who has stuck with me through every silly and serious change I have ever encountered. Change may be swirling around me, but I am in a weatherproof box, surrounded by walls of friendship so thick that no amount of flying debris can make me fly away.

To those whom change is taking place, know that I support you and am excited with you! Please forgive me; for my attitude lately, for being quiet, for not supporting you. This world is not all about about, and thank goodness for that.