If Betty Crocker and Martha Stewart are the hero's of the kitchen, than Julia Child is a saint.
For Valentines Day, I made Austin Beef Bourguingnonne. Julia Childs Beef Bourguingnonne. I also checked #8 off my bucket list.
I went to two different grocery stores, and a local market with a butcher to get my supplies. I spent 6 hours and 12 minutes in the kitchen, and as I finished the sauce, I watched Julia herself on the first episide of French Chef, make the same dish in 27 minutes.
I was living with my parents, in a crowded house. Sharing space with my brother, his wife, and my niece.
I was in an in between season. I had just returned from Eastern Europe where I lived my dream and returned broke. I had a pierced eyebrow. A two door Dodge that was my very own. And nothing to do with my life.
Sharell was still in high school, working at a diner to pay her way through her senior year. Heather was at University, getting smart and playing dodge ball.
Those days were rather dull. It was hard to wake up. It was hard to be motivated. It was humiliating to work at a pizza chain.
There were a lot of evening walks, and even more night time drives. There was a lot of list making and rule following, and even more bribing to get myself to accomplish every day tasks such as showering and getting out of bed before 10:00 am.
College group was there, but what I remember more than that, was Denny's that followed. I spent a lot of time with Nathan and Aimee. And when she was off work, Sharell and I would meet up. And we would talk. And we would plan our lives over a pot of coffee at Sharis.
Sharell and I sat up more nights than we slept. We sat at Sharis. We sat in the car. We sat at the beach. We sat in front of the TV at her parents. We sat in the back yard at my parents. We sat and looked at the stars. We sat and looked at our toes. We sat.
Sharell and I determined that together we were going to take over the world. We determined to stay sisters all the way through the next ice age. I promised to never let her work at Costco, and she promised that I would get married. We talked a lot about the future. About how life sucked. And about how good Jesus was.
When everything else was going wrong, we always came back to Jesus. And how he saved us. And how we sure didn't understand very much, but we understood that he had a plan for our lives. We clung to him during that time as if he was our very last hope. Because he is our hope. And I can say that those nights, sitting, saved my life.
I have this fantasy. A fantasy that some day all of my favorite people will live together. We will all move somewhere, a small town perhaps. Or even better, we will start our own small town, you know, like when the wagon trains stopped and just started something there. And each of us will share what we have and depend upon each other. Eventually, we will have little stores and shops to support the people who pass through. But all the while, it is the same group. And we will be like Walnut Grove on Little House on the Prairie. And we will start our own church. Our kids will be each others best friends. And our grand babies will all be related. We will leave pies our our windowsills, and grow carrots, and have bon fires. We will all be each others best friends, and worst enemies, and take care of each other the way small communities do. Last night I had a dream, that this happened. Well, we were not on the Prairie, we were in a large house in Pendleton. And we had a big bon fire. And it was a small town and we all started over together. And we were all best friends. But like I said, this is all a fantasy. Yesterday in my Literature class, we were talking about ways to critique writings. And one of the theories stuck out to me. We talked for a long time of the Psyho-analytic critiquing of Jane Eyre. And basically the theory is that of Frued, and that Jane Eyre had all these sexual desires for Rochester, and that the book is a subconsciousness outcome of Brontes mind. And that really, all our dreams and writings are out of our subconscious fantasy's. And so I thought this morning, about Frued. And how I think it is wrong for someone to use his theory to ruin Jane Eyre. And about how its true that my dream was out of the subconscious of my mind, my desire for something I can not have, but it was not disturbingly sexual in nature. It was this fantasy of Heaven really. I mean that's the base of our deepest dreams usually right? We desire perfection and happiness and harmony. The reoccurring dream I have of all my favorite people living together is I believe out of the desire of my subconsciousness to just be with our Lord. And I know that it will not happen, the way that I want it to, until we are in Heaven rejoicing with our King. So, today as I sit here in my dining room, I think about the life I have, and how really, it is pretty close to that of my dream. I may not live in a giant house with 20 people, the girls upstairs, and the boys downstairs. We may not live out in the middle of no where. But, our life and our community is really good. The reason I dreamed my dream was that all of the people in it, are so often in our home, that it is as if we do life together. And this neighborhood we live in, only blocks from each other, IS small. And I do sometimes leave pies to cool on the porch. And we are living and sharing and depending on one another. We just do this in a big city, in an imperfect world.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I say rejoice! - Philippians 4:4
This is the bird room in our house... this is where I am choosing to spend my afternoon with homework.
"Dear old world', [Anne] murmured, 'you are very lovely, and I am glad to be alive in you."
This is me this week. Heather ANNE. I can not stop admiring the world. The loveliness of it. And I am so very glad to be alive in it.
This week, the sun has arrived. It is our yearly clear January week. It is cold and crisp at night. Foggy and icy in the mornings. And sunny and clear in the afternoons. I will have bouts of cheerfulness when the drizzle returns Wednesday, but for the days that Mrs. Sun displays her confidence, I will rejoice in her.
The loveliness of the world the past few days has increase my vocabulary. Well... the loveliness mixed with some reading of British dramatics and Gothics. I have been admiring casualties, as if they were novelties. and turning normals into extremes.
I have been chasing the sun, capturing the majestic mountains, and glorifying in the day.
I believe that there is an intrinsic desire within each of us to be known. We want to be more than seen, more than noticed, more than acknowledged. We want more than a "How's your day?" Our inner man scratchs to get out, to be seen,to be heard, to be known.
I was talking to Katie late last night. We sat in her car, in my driveway. We talked about our hearts. How we guard them... and yet how deeply we desire for them to be revealed. In a moment of revelation, I exclaimed in one bursting breath,"Katie, I just want to BE KNOWN!"
And thats just it. Isn't it?
The cry of our heart, "Someone, please know me!"
And before the words finished passing through my lips, my thoughts were flooded with the deepest sense of peace I have ever known. A voice cracked as loud as thunder, and shook my being.
"Oh but my child, I Do know you!
I knew you before you created you in your mothers womb.
I knew you before you breathed your first.
I know your thoughts and the path of your life.
I know your heart and your joys and your aching grievances.
My child, You are known.
I KNOW you."
And I closed my eyes, and I felt the King of the Universe peering into me. Past my skin and my thick walls. He looked into my inner man, and he saw me. I have such a hope, being able to rejoice in THE God that knows me.
Ha! And you want to know the real kicker? He knows me ... and he still likes me! I mean, he sees this messy, selfish, and prideful person, and he chooses to like me still. He chooses to love me. And to delight OVER me. And to rejoice in who I am.
And how can I not respond to this God with any other response than seeking to know him as well?
AND THIS IS ETERNAL LIFE: THAT THEY MIGHT KNOW YOU..." -John 17:3
